'Language ought to be the joint creation of poets and manual workers.'

Public Service Message

2011-11-30T09:36:00.000-08:00

Please don't buy 'Freedom' by Jonathan Franzen no matter how many pictures from his younger days you come across whilst viewing back copies of The New Yorker (he was quite dishy) because if you're like me - underpaid and grumpy, with an excellent taste in books and shoes (to quote Geet, 'I am my biggest fan') it is quite likely that your admiration for his looks will disappear in a jiffy.

You will then want to toss his book aside. Except you won't be able to. It's quite heavy - for a paperback. You can congratulate yourselves on buying an excellent weapon to aim at your siblings the next time they refuse to knock before entering your room, like you have asked them to but not as much as you will hate yourself for spending a thousand rupees on a book you did not enjoy reading and only finished because you had paid a decent amount of money for it.

Seriously, Jonathan Franzen, if we ever meet I'm going to demand my money back. If you were still good looking, I would've settled for taking a picture with you but we both know that's not the case anymore, is it?

Dirge without Music

2011-11-13T13:49:00.000-08:00

I am not resigned to the shutting away of loving hearts in the hard ground.
So it is, and so it will be, for so it has been, time out of mind:
Into the darkness they go, the wise and the lovely. Crowned
With lilies and with laurel they go; but I am not resigned.

Lovers and thinkers, into the earth with you.
Be one with the dull, the indiscriminate dust.
A fragment of what you felt, of what you knew,
A formula, a phrase remains, --- but the best is lost.

The answers quick & keen, the honest look, the laughter, the love,
They are gone. They have gone to feed the roses. Elegant and curled
Is the blossom. Fragrant is the blossom. I know. But I do not approve.
More precious was the light in your eyes than all the roses in the world.

Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave
Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind;
Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave.
I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned.

-Edna St Vincent Millay

On my 25th, this is all I can think about. Quarter life crisis, I suppose.

Edna St. Vincent Millay (1892-1950)

2010-07-23T00:02:00.000-07:00

I blogged a few verses of Millay's poetry back when Gulgi was murdered in that barbaric act upon him and his wife. A friend sent along the poem from which I'd quoted verses then. I recalled another I love:

"I think I should have loved you presently"

I think I should have loved you presently,
And given in earnest words I flung in jest;
And lifted honest eyes for you to see,
And caught your hand against my cheek and breast;
And all my pretty follies flung aside
That won you to me, and beneath your gaze,
Naked of reticence and shorn of pride,
Spread like a chart my little wicked ways.
I, that had been to you, had you remained,
But one more waking frorn a recurrent dream,
Cherish no less the certain stakes I gained,
And walk your memory's halls, austere, supreme,
A ghost in marble of a girl you knew
Who would have loved you in a day or two.

The blog is back

2010-07-01T13:50:00.000-07:00

Nothing more to say really, except this time around a law related blog will be pursued hopefully.

2010-02-26T12:46:00.000-08:00

2010-01-23T04:05:00.000-08:00

the babies were identical twin girls.

ayesha and rehma

born on 22nd Jan 2010

(04:00am - 19:45pm)

my heart goes out to feeya and hassan bhai. prayers.

ps: and to the little one, not so little anymore
who wrote to me saying, 'can you believe it?
i was dancing when i found out, babies in
MY house!'

2010-01-18T13:35:00.000-08:00

I don't remember much but now that it's all almost over it doesn't seem so hard or daunting for that matter. I can comprehend it quickly, without additional notes and only a few highlighted spaces.

'But why can't we do that?'

'We have black, not red.'

'So?'

'So, it's not the same colour. There's a diffeence.'

I can be condescending that way, I suppose.

I walked up to to someone whose work I respect and ask him for a job straight off.

I'm also painfully shy which is why I would rather avoid all of you than hang out.

That and I really don't care enough to get to know you.

I wish I could just drop out working from where I am and have the courage to pursue a full time BFA.

Perfectly valid reason to break up with someone

2010-01-05T11:42:00.000-08:00

2010

2010-01-04T15:07:00.000-08:00

No resolutions, no planning :) What will happen will happen. ;)

I do plan on calling nani more often, though. I miss her.

Best thing about 2009: Got Cooper :) That's him, in the picture.

Stuff to look forward to in 2010:

Three brand new nieces or nephews (or both).

Becoming a lawyer

Telling my brother it's illegal to have two driving licenses

Happy New Year, everyone :)

2009-12-15T14:46:00.000-08:00

2009-12-09T00:04:00.000-08:00

omg omg omg there are babies, no TWINS, on the wayyy

2009-11-23T10:57:00.000-08:00

We must learn to be still in the midst of activity and to be vibrantly alive in response. - Indira Gandhi

2009-11-21T09:54:00.000-08:00

BOAST OF QUIETNESS

Writings of light assault the darkness, more prodigous than meteors.
The tall unknowable city takes over the countryside.
Sure of my life and death, I observe the ambitious
and would like to understand them.
Their day is greedy as a lariat in the air.
Their night is a rest from the rage within steel, quick to attack.
They speak of humanity.
My humanity is in feeling we are all voices of the same poverty.
They speak of homeland.
My homeland is the rythym of a guitar, a few portraits, an old sword,
the willow grove's visible prayer as evening falls.
Time is living me.
More silent than my shadow, I pass through the loftily covetous multitude.
They are indispensible, singular, worthy of tomorrow.
My name is someone and anyone.
I walk slowly, like one who comes from so far away
he doesn't expect to arrive.

JORGE LUIS BORGES

Ps: I know Borge Sahab was bi polar

2009-11-17T09:56:00.000-08:00

Written on a rickshaw:

"main bara ho ke corolla banon ga"

2009-11-07T09:23:00.000-08:00

Often overshadowed by the scenic beauty of well manicured Islamabad, Rawalpindi hardly gets the attention it deserves. Whilst Islamabad is planned suburbia, Rawalpindi depleting buildings and deserted chaats. It has been loved and discarded long since.

I am always the silent observer when the Islamabad v Rawalpindi debates pan out in public ('Pindi mein dekha hai kis thara ghor ke dekhtay hain loag?' (Have you seen the way people stare in Pindi?' 'Tu Jinnah Super mein bhee hotay hain cheapsters...' 'There are cheapsters like that in Jinnah Super too' 'Haan woh Pindi se Uth ke atay hain!' 'Those come from Pindi!') :)

To gauge the the merits of one against the other (although this is well settled with Pindi-ites proclaiming 'we have cinePAX...' in a lofty tone of those well contended with life) is fruitless but who don't know Pindi well or who are oblivious of its history and the weatherbeaten intricate wooden cravings cornering jharokas in the shambled buildings of it fail to see it as a city in mourning for former its lovers.

Mobeen Ansari captures some bits of Pindi in his work.

2009-11-05T12:45:00.000-08:00

Silence
Billy Collins

There is the sudden silence of the crowd
above a player not moving on the field,
and the silence of the orchid.

The silence of the falling vase
before it strikes the ﬂoor,
the silence of the belt when it is not striking the child.

The stillness of the cup and the water in it,
the silence of the moon
and the quiet of the day far from the roar of the sun.

The silence when I hold you to my chest,
the silence of the window above us,
and the silence when you rise and turn away.

And there is the silence of this morning
which I have broken with my pen,
a silence that had piled up all night

like snow falling in the darkness of the house—
the silence before I wrote a word
and the poorer silence now.

2009-11-01T09:13:00.000-08:00

I just got back home grinning from ear to ear carrying a liberty books bag filled to the brim - and flat out broke, of course.

2009-10-09T11:31:00.000-07:00

The fusst thing I'm going to do tomorrow is to see if this year's booker winner is available at Saeed's. Never have I been this excited to read a book.

Wolf Hall

Oh, it releases on the 13th. Hopefully, it wont budge up Britain's history the way BBC's version of the House of Tudors did. Now that's one awful show. Thankfully it ends with three seasons.

Blog of the month: Photos by Emilio Morenatti

Pakistani boys play billiards in the Christian neighborhood of Khashi Kaluni in Islamabad, Pakistan, Tuesday, April 15, 2008. (AP Photo/Emilio Morenatti)

Book Tag

2009-09-30T22:52:00.000-07:00

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen

2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien

3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte

4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling (I still remember the 8-9 hour reading marathons when book 5,6 and 7 were released in 2003, 2005, 2007 respectively. My favorites: Book 3 'Harry Potter and prisoner of Azkaban', Book 5 'Order of Phoenix' and Book 8, 'Harry Potter and the deathly hallows' )

5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee (Gregory Peck did justice to Finch in the movie. There's something about Peck, Clark Gable and Rex Harrison, no?)

6 The Bible

7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte

8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell

9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman

10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens

11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott

12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy

13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller

14 Complete Works of Shakespeare

15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier

16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien

17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk -

18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger

19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger -

20 Middlemarch - George Eliot -

21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell (Great book. Pretty good movie, had it not been for Leslie Howard's terrible performance as the rather boring Ashley Wilkins)

22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald

23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens

24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy

25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams

27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky

28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck

29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll

30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame

31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy

32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens (My favorite Dickens novel with 'The tale of two cities' close behind)

33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis (Watch the BBC series)

34 Emma-Jane Austen

35 Persuasion - Jane Austen

36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis (Again BBC)

37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini (Lovely book)

38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres

39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden

40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne

41 Animal Farm - George Orwell (I have a few copies of this book too)

42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown (Angels and Demons, anyone?)

43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving -

45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins

46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery (and the others which follow in this series. Infact after Harry Potter, this is the best series of books I can think of. Mark Twain called it the sweetest depiction of childhood yet)

47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy

48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood

49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding -

50 Atonement - Ian McEwan

51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel (Thank you, malo, for leaving this in my car. It made for an enjoyablel read)

52 Dune - Frank Herbert

53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons

54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen (Favorite Austen. 'When the romantic refinements of a young mind are obliged to give way, how frequently are they succeeded by such opinions as are but too common and too dangerous!' - Colonel Brandon)

55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth

56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon

57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens

58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley

59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night - Mark Haddon

60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck

62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov (Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant)

63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt -

64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold -

65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas

66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac

67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy

68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding -

69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie

70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville

71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens

72 Dracula - Bram Stoker

73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett (I LOVE this!)

74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson -

75 Ulysses - James Joyce

76 The Inferno – Dante

77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome

78 Germinal - Emile Zola

79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray

80 Possession - AS Byatt

81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens

82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell -

83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker

84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro

85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert

86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry

87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White

88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom -

89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton

91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad

92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery

93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks -

94 Watership Down - Richard Adams

95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole

96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute -

97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas

98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare

99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl

100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

Grand total: 45, if i counted correctly

2009-09-12T10:37:00.000-07:00

Who is that dropping in from Frankfurt?

*Have found a teacher to worship. She told me to call her by her first name. She also knows all the cool people there are to know and some of the most admirable people I know. I cant believe I lucked out this *speads arms wide* MUCH!

*FunkAsia is awesome, Ego somewhat overpriced. I know this seems unbelievable but I will justify myself later.

*Will do the tag soon.

.

2009-09-09T13:11:00.001-07:00

Final results etc

2009-08-26T20:43:00.000-07:00

conversation 1:

K: so they're witholding my result until i pay the rest of the fees
M: oh?
K: Yeah. I told them they could. It's not like they're witholding sex or anything

conversation 2:

Z: Shamu passed!
M: He passed?! EVERYTHING?! (this guy hasnt passed in three years)
Z: Yup
M: Somewhere in the world pigs are flying

2009-08-14T22:11:00.000-07:00

You'll forget love, like other disasters - Nadeem Aslam

2009-07-27T12:33:00.000-07:00

Karachi is the new chapter

2009-07-11T09:28:00.000-07:00

the lounge has a low ceiling.

and i got up when they announced my flight but this guy came in and handed me tea and told me i could board the plane at the last minute. sweet! except i packed in a hurry i dont have a book with me and reading online isnt much fun besides the wateen internet booths are built weird and the screen are tilted making it harder to read. was sortof hoping ill be going via c130 even if its a cargo plane it can be SUCH fun

will explain later. time to board.

2009-07-09T23:53:00.000-07:00

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been. ~Mark Twain, Following the Equator

2009-07-08T23:59:00.000-07:00

Its been pretty peaceful so far. The heat is unbearable and no one seems to be working :) not even the head honcho who works harder than all the little ants worldwide in preparation for the winter season. Maybe its dawning on everyone how its summer and instead of sleeping in office walas rush to work at 8am - and 7.30 in my case since i live so far away. I'm sleepy and although i've been 'working' since 9am i doubt that ill get it done till 8pm. Really should not have started interning right after finals. Speaking of work, does anyone know of any NGO's in Karachi which do legal research? and are hiring?

3:30pm: so the boss walked in on me using facebook. not that he saw the screen (THANK YOU GOD)

2009-06-05T15:54:00.000-07:00

ill write letters soon, promise

2009-05-21T16:59:00.000-07:00

There's talk of a movie based on Saadat Hassan Manto's finest work 'Toba Tek Singh' featuring Aamir Khan and Kate Winslet. Read about it here and here.

Song of the month: 'O Raat ke Musafir'

HAHA

2009-05-13T14:37:00.000-07:00

URGENT

2009-05-06T11:10:00.000-07:00

Hundreds of Internally Displaced families are pouring into Islamabad and Rawalpindi from Buner and adjacent areas. Desperate for assistance. We must as a nation take responsibility and help. Kindly donate flour, sugar, rice tea, dry milk, clothes, daal, ghee, salt, biscuits etc. You can help in distribution if you like.

Donations can be dropped off at:

House 319, Street 58, F-10/3

and

House 399, Street 34, F-11/2

in Islamabad

Efforts are underway to setup an account of donations. In the meantime, for those in Islamabad and Pindi: START DONATING!!!

2009-04-30T03:09:00.000-07:00

more than anything else, i'm a loser. literally and otherwise. i should bang a lid on the whole law crap and try to make (wing) it as a professional weight loser yoyoing accordingly every week to a under hundred pound weakling and more every other week. bah. or i could teach the art of isolating yourself from everyone worthwhile in yourlife? yeah, thats not the best thing maybe but snipping out people you were once close because they're a waste of space is okay. lately, its the only thing i'm happy about.

2009-04-13T21:01:00.000-07:00

"As if being locked in mortal combat with the violent ideology of the Taliban was not enough, down south in Karachi, we now have to contend with the ideological hooliganism of PPP jiyalas. Congratulations!"

Ejaz Haider on the Shanakht Festival.

2009-04-11T04:31:00.000-07:00

Let us save ourselves

Saturday, April 04, 2009

By Babar Sattar

For the past couple of years at least, the Pakistani state has incessantly failed in performing its fundamental obligation: to protect the life and security of its citizens. There is general agreement across the country that the threat posed by terror and violence is a mortal one. Where we lack consensus is in identifying the causes of this threat. The need to formulate a consensual view on fighting insurgency and extremism can't be overemphasised. For if this threat is allowed to proliferate any further, or even sustain itself, it is not difficult to predict that we will be reduced to a regressive society coerced into a life of obscurantism and chaos.

There are at least three considered views about the causes of the growing insurgency and violence in Pakistan. The first is that insurgent groups are being supported and sustained by external enemies of Pakistan, led by the United States, India and Afghanistan. A grand conspiracy is being hatched to covert Pakistan into a land of mayhem, which will then foster the need to (a) neutralise Pakistan's nuclear weapons programme, and (b) occupy and control the country, by use of international troops, in the interest of global security. According to this view, while the stated policy of allied forces in Afghanistan is to directly attack insurgent groups in the NWFP (that enrages public opinion in Pakistan and makes the war on terror a hated war), the covert policy is to continue to support select insurgent groups, financially and materially, to enable them to effectively fight and frustrate the army and the Pakistani state.

The second view, and one most popular amongst our foes abroad, is that the Pakistani army is actually working hand-in-glove with insurgent groups. Here the thesis is that while on the one hand the army is officially fighting the Taliban in the NWFP, it continues to distinguish between the good and the bad Taliban. An extreme variant of this thesis that developed after the success of the Taliban in Swat is that there isn't even a distinction between good and bad Taliban, and that the success of the Taliban movement in Swat could not have been possible unless there was a compact between Pakistan's security forces and the insurgents. The principal argument being that the world's seventh-largest army is either following a covert policy to support insurgents fighting to defeat the world's sole superpower in Afghanistan or is simply unwilling to weaken insurgents to an extent that they are no longer capable of being a "strategic asset."

The third view is that the insurgent groups were created and nurtured by the state of Pakistan as part of its Afghan policy during the "good jihad" of the 1980s, and supported through the 1990s when the ISI supervised the Taliban takeover of Afghanistan. But after Pakistan's U-turn on the eve of 9/11, the former proxies of the army and the ISI became bitter foes. While official support for jihad in Afghanistan dwindled, neither did state policy towards the use of jihadi groups in Kashmir change nor was any effort made to clamp down on the brand of militant Islam that provided the ideological motivation for the jihadi groups fighting in Afghanistan and Kashmir.

According to this view, strategic policymakers in Pakistan continue to delude themselves into believing that militant groups fired up by religious zeal to wage jihad against infidels are akin to unmanned drones that can be controlled and directed at desirable targets at will. Thus insurgent groups are still being used to (a) carry out limited strikes in Afghanistan to ensure that the US doesn't get too comfortable in the neighbourhood, and (b) continue the low-scale insurgency in Kashmir. But this policy has gone horribly wrong. Insurgent groups have acquired a life and mind of their own: they have continued access to channels of financial and material resources that were never under strict state control during the last three decades; they are being nurtured by an even more ferocious brand of violent religious ideology that was instigated by state patronage in the 1980s; and the army has neither the will nor the ability or training to fight the monster that it created.

A variant of this theory that makes security analysis more complicated, and reflects the confusion that afflicts Pakistan more generally, incorporates elements from all the three aforementioned views. According to this view, Americans continue to sponsor some insurgent groups that have political goals limited to Pakistan. India continues to aid and abet insurgent groups in the NWFP to get even with Pakistan over Kashmir. And to send the subtle message to the US that the Pakistani army is an incapable ally in the war in Afghanistan, that Indian troops, having the experience of fighting insurgencies, should be brought in as part of allied international forces if the planned surge is to be given a fighting chance in Afghanistan. And the Pakistani army continues to act on the view that sustained US presence in our backyard does not serve Pakistan's strategic interests.

If this view is right, the proposed solution to pursue such strategic interest is being informed by the realisation that Pakistan cannot officially oppose the US war effort in Afghanistan, or refuse to offer unqualified logical support to the US troops, or actually take offence to continuing drone attacks. And therefore the only available option is to have an equivocal policy where the army continues to provide logistical support to US forces, the civilian government continues to make faint noises against drone strikes.

Unfortunately, the strategists propagating such an approach are still drunk on illusions of grandeur provoked by the Soviet failure in first Afghan war. After all, if the first Afghan war could bring one superpower down to its knees, why can't the present one lead to US defeat?

Even assuming that this is a desirable goal, there are at least three sets of problem with this train of thought. One, it was not Pakistan's security agencies alone that caused the demise of the Soviet Union. While we might have had an effective tactical role as willing agents during the Cold War, the strategic planning and the resources that made the covert tactics effective weren't ours.

Two, the first Afghan war inflicted on Pakistan the culture of Kalashnikov and drugs, bred intolerance in our society, decisively pushed the country to the right, and the use of suicide bombing as a justifiable political tactic is now entrenched in the militant mindset. Thus, the nefarious consequences for our social fabric of viewing the jihadist as a legitimate agent of the state cannot be overemphasised.

And, three, the defiant Afghan psyche, together with other imponderables, might force America to withdraw from Afghanistan sooner rather than later. That, however, will not make Pakistan's problem of insurgency and extremism go away, but only exacerbate it further. If the US is completely routed in Afghanistan and the Taliban prevail, not as part of a plural governing set-up but as a singular force ruling the country, one can only wonder with dread what will deter the Pakistani Taliban from trying to coerce our society into submission after enjoying such success and psychological boost.

We can continue to debate whether the Constitution and the society should embrace a minimalist or a maximal view of religion. But let us not be mistaken that the Taliban view of religion is completely out of sync with the spectrum of religious views entertained by a majority of Pakistanis. And let us further understand that the abhorrent US approach to "collateral damage" has been completely adopted by our homegrown insurgent groups. Both treat the lives of ordinary Pakistani citizens as collateral in pursuit of their political goals.

It is time for the PML-N, Imran Khan and our religious parties to take an unequivocal position on the threat posed by the Taliban and their like-minded insurgent groups, because the PPP, the ANP, the MQM and other actors that have a centre-left political orientation have limited ability and influence to forge a national consensus on how to fight this bloody insurgency that is eating us up from within. In confronting this existential threat, the test of leadership is not to follow public opinion, but to stir up and rally public support around a vision for Pakistan as a progressive and tolerant Muslim nation-state that will neither bow down before neo-colonsial foreign policies nor submit to indigenous retrogressive elements.

The writer is a lawyer based in Islamabad. He is a Rhodes scholar and has an LL.M from Harvard Law School. Email: sattar@post.harvard.edu

courtesy: The News

2009-04-03T04:55:00.000-07:00

"She loved a guy. She did it for him. She would've done anything for him. Some women are like that. Some loves are like that. Most loves are like that from what I can see. Your heart starts to feel like an overcrowded lifeboat. You throw your pride out to keep it afloat, and your self-respect and your independence. After a while, you start throwing people out – your friends, everyone you used to know. And it's still not enough. The life-boat is still sinking, and you know it's going to take you down with it."

- 'Shantarm' by Gregory David Roberts

Wow

2009-03-08T15:22:00.000-07:00

http://december18th.org/

Send message of condolence

2009-03-03T22:03:00.000-08:00

Please send a message of condolence and deep regret to Duleep Mehndis, the chief executive of the srilankan cricket board at ceo@srilankacricket.lk

Hug your phone

2009-02-27T03:12:00.000-08:00

lol, this is a pretty innovative business idea. sure, it may seem useless to have a hoodie for your phone (although who doesnt have mobile covers?) but very cool that she can knit

DWL - Event

2009-02-23T13:11:00.001-08:00

2009-02-20T05:26:00.000-08:00

I've never understood the enthusiasm people have for football and the excitement before the world tournament (or world cup? fifa world cup?) but i can safely say i'm pretty excited about this. Definately my kind of tournament.

2009-02-16T23:24:00.001-08:00

Avoiding selective silence

By Samad Khurram

Swat, the army indulges in another never-ending battle with elusive militants who hold entire cities hostage to their whims. The silent victims of this violence are ordinary residents whose lives have been utterly devastated by the carnage. Sadly, there is no hope for peace until the residents of Swat and the people of Pakistan actively stand up and do their part in combating terrorism.

Speaking out against Islamic militants remains taboo in the minds of Pakistanis for many reasons. People are genuinely afraid of threats or falling victim to terrorism. Numerous editors have claimed to have been threatened by militants or their supporters. Furthermore, many who disagree with the militants in their actions may sympathize with what they stand for – a Shariah-based system of governance. They tend to silence their criticism either in the vain hope that militants will reform themselves, or for fear of being labeled a non-Muslim.

While we are often quick to dismiss conservatives as narrow-minded, this strategy of selective silence stems from the most progressive people of our country. PPP loyalists, who tend to be the most vocal advocates of human rights during other governments, turn a blind eye towards the appointment of honor killers in their cabinet. Those who still let principles guide their conscience and dare to speak up are scorned for sowing the seeds of a military takeover or being right-wing. Constructive intellectual discourse is stifled by an ‘us vs. them’ rhetoric that has become commonplace in our society.

For those who do wish to speak up, alternative media presents a different avenue. People can communicate without having to reveal any personal information using blogs, in chat rooms, or by commenting on popular sites and online videos. The messenger is saved from witch-hunts while the message trickles down. Given time, these drops of dissent can form a reservoir of change. Indeed, those of us who had no experience with or intention of starting a blog or mailing list realized that alternative media was the only tool left to us when the mainstream media vanished from our households in November 2007, when General Musharraf imposed emergency rule.

Eventually, the real resistance to the emergency was built on the internet. Millions signed online petitions and hundreds of thousands extended support as the world watched the blogosphere explode with anti-Musharraf rhetoric. Efforts such as The Emergency Times blog and mailing list, which I helped publish, helped people stay informed about protests as well as emergency-related news developments.

Some in Swat have tried to follow a similar model, but have enjoyed limited success. They were drowned out by the cacophony of voices on the internet or lacked the fundamentals of good blogging. Ironically, it was the mainstream media that helped put alternative media back on the map during the present crisis. An online dairy became a success once BBC Urdu picked up the blog of a brave seventh-grade school girl from Swat who pens her thoughts as well as the sights and sounds from the area, and tailored it for the general audience.

These online efforts have helped advocate for change, but the fact is the Emergency Times and Swat Diary will remain event-centric blogs, popular only among a small band of followers. Real, long-term impact is achieved by those who are willing to reveal their identities along with their message. Moreover, credibility is built by being consistently honest and advocating for the same principles each time.

Professor Adil Najam is one blogger who has spoken critically and impartially on many issues ranging from economics to foreign policy and religion at Pakistaniat.com. Thanks to his careful analyses, this liberal has garnered the trust and goodwill of many conservative Pakistanis across the world, and has even succeeded in changing many of their minds. Comments on Prof. Najam’s website clearly suggest that his readers do not agree with everything he says. Yet when he asked for help in reconstructing a girls’ school in Swat, his readers were quick to donate one-third of the cost in a few days. Many of the pro-judiciary, pro-Musharraf, pro-Nawaz, and pro-PPP cadres, who normally point knives at each other’s throats, banded for a common cause.

The same results could not be achieved by other cyber-intellectuals such as Ahmed Quraishi and Zaid Zaman Hamid. When reports of the crisis brewing in Swat were first revealed by Hamid Mir, Zaid Hamid was quick to dismiss them as fabrications and allege instead that Mir was a covert CIA operative. Neither website today has any mention of the crisis in Swat. And, in my opinion, neither would succeed if they initiated a call for action.

The fact is, alternative media has changed the dynamics of moral responsibilities. If you are a Pakistani who is able to read this message, it is your ethical and national obligation to speak up, present your side of the story, advocate for change, and organize for a better tomorrow. It also means that you are responsible for whatever statements you make as a Pakistani on the internet. Online readership is not geographically bound and one irresponsible statement can unleash a storm of hate. The vitriol generated by Zaid Hamid’s war threats to Indian journalists and citizens is ample proof of the high potential of abuse alternative media has.

The eventual hope of positive change in Pakistan rests with those who choose to make their voice heard by whatever means necessary. Specifically, that hope lies with nonpartisan activists such as Prof. Najam and not with those who exacerbate the ‘us vs. them’ split. Criticism must begin at home and must be applied without restraint to everyone, beloved or hated. That is the only way to change the minds of those on the other side and make the most of the power of free speech.

Link: Dawn News

For b,

2009-02-13T13:46:00.000-08:00

2009-02-04T12:34:00.001-08:00

i suppose its easier to keep on loving than it is to forgive

2009-01-13T18:26:00.000-08:00

shame less self promotion

it really is shameless, isnt it.

oh well.

2009-01-07T13:05:00.000-08:00

"....there is only one important story: of youth, and loss, and yearning for redemption. So we tell the same story, over and over. Just the details are different" - Rohinton Mistry

2009-01-06T18:00:00.000-08:00

i'm not a language snob but this made my heart sing

2009-01-02T07:25:00.001-08:00

Women have served all these centuries as looking-glasses possessing the magic and delicious power of reflecting the figure of man at twice its natural size.-Virginia Woolf

2008-12-24T11:52:00.000-08:00

2008-12-21T11:54:00.000-08:00

new year hitlist

trust gut
spend more time with nani
work on the other blog
accept my curls
finish plays by camus
work during the summer
teach
see deyoellers
throw a party
paint, maybe
get published more
intern
read the newspaper more
tell people to shaytup less
delete/block/letgo/quit certain people
pass second year law
sworld too, maybe
murree

2008-12-12T09:50:00.000-08:00

I want to print out and tack up the above picture in my room. Unfortunately the cuss word will offend my mother and I can almost hear the nine year brother ask, 'baaaji, what is meant by fucking and virginity?'

2008-12-09T13:12:00.000-08:00

"Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be." — Shel Silverstein

2008-12-08T21:57:00.000-08:00

I'm certainly not one for festive eid greetings and definately not the sort to send out an elaborate greeting of my own composition via sms, no less.

and so

Eid Mubarik everyone :)

How Meredith got lost, got saved and got her name

2008-11-26T12:53:00.000-08:00

Aamina says:
anyway i got these fish

Aamina says:
i dunno why but i just felt lile getting some

Aamina says:
but now im sick of them i dont know where to put them lol

Aamina says:
yeah except it has no oxygen tank...lol

Aamina says:
so i was changing the water today right

M says:
flush them down the toilet?

M says:
sorry

Aamina says:
MADIHA!!!!

M says:
i dont why i found that funny

Aamina says:
thats criminal lol

M says:
aaa i cant keep pets

Aamina says:
lol

M says:
i get too devoted

M says:
and then i talk to them

Aamina says:
uff u shouldnt be near mine then hehe

Aamina says:
anyways listen

M says:
yes after the water change?

Aamina says:
so i picked up each fish with this net and dumped them in the other pot so i could change the water, they were a total of 9 fish..

Aamina says:
so then i redumped them in the other tank right

M says:
anddd

Aamina says:
later on after like 20 min i went back to recount them and 1 was missing lol

Aamina says:
and i went to check the net which was hung on the ledge, u wont belive it lol it was stuck in that...i thought it was dead but it survived LOL

M says:
its a holiday MIRACLE

M says:
and christmas is not yet upon us

Aamina says:
lol

M says:
wait its an eid BLESSING

Aamina says:
ok stop lol

M says:
but its cool taht it survived

M says:
did you name them?

Aamina says:
no im not a retard lol

M says:
can i please

M says:
i dont mind being thought so

M says:
pleeeeease

Aamina says:
ok.....go ahead

M says:
oaky the half dead fish is called lucky

M says:
not very original but it did come

M says:
back from the dead

M says:
wait

M says:
im calling it.....Meredith!

Aamina says:
lol i swear it did

Aamina says:
ewww

M says:
like from grey's anatomy

Aamina says:
meredith is sick

M says:
when meredith comes back

Aamina says:
i swear i dont like her

M says:
from the dead

M says:
yaar for all you know

M says:
the lil meredith wanted to die

M says:
and plunged it back into life

Aamina says:
ok yeah...so whats your point

M says:
sooo... havent you seen grey's anatomy?

M says:
when meredith tries to drown herself

M says:
and comes back to LIFE

M says:
after spending a day with DEAD plp

Aamina says:
yeah my sisters love it, i dont.

M says:
so anyway

M says:
one fishie's meredith

Aamina says:
i might have seen it but i hate meredith, dont know why though..

M says:
i do too

M says:
but its like karma with this fish and her

M says:
anyway

M says:
the rest just float around?

Aamina says:
uff i can seriously gift meredith to u for ur birthday if u want

M says:
no funny antics?

Aamina says:
yeah they are like superman

M says:
no ill cry when she dies

Aamina says:
i mean they go about really fast

Aamina says:
but kinda in a retarted way

***

Damn, this blog was supposed to be about literature.

22

2008-11-23T11:52:00.000-08:00

Its not half bad.

I'm it

2008-11-08T23:20:00.000-08:00

Majaz tagged me and, so getting into the spirit of being your everyday blogger

The Rules are:

~ Link to the Blogger who tagged you.
~ In your blog, post The Rules and…

(I'm going to ignore all rules, except)

~ Six quirky but unspectacular factoids about yourself

~ Tag six other bloggers by linking to them
~ Go to each person’s blog, and leave a comment that lets them know they’ve been tagged.
~ Let me know you’ve done this tagged post too!

1- I don't like cell phones. It's a needless hassle to carry one around. I usually keep it on silent and check it at the end of the night. So, if we're close i'll call you back after twelve.

2- Past 3am, I like to watch filmasia and complete school assignments.

3- I hated the work I did for the last exhibit I was in. I've been tempted to throw the paintings against the wall. I took them down instead, they face the wall behind the rocking chair now.

4- I usually have a bottle of mineral water with me all the time. There are two empty ones in my shoulder bag I should throw out - or refill.

5- I won a calligraphy competition sponsored by Al-Huda. I was put on the spot and entered out of politeness and I loved every minute of it. I'm naturally gifted and had a ball showing off my calligraphy skills. I regret not taking a picture of my 'jeem'.

6-I own three pairs of black flats and I want one in patent leather. I also like to think I'm not materialistic.

****

Tag 2:

You have to write:

Three things which you pride yourself upon.

I can let go of things when I should
The fact that I'm studying law
On not being a smoker (not that i look down upon people who do) . I'm just glad I never got into the habit of it.

Three things you hate about yourself.

My lovely temper.
The incessant chattering in my head.
Needless sarcasm

Three things that you can't let go of.

My laptop (mine, mine, MINE)
This is better than Mehdi Hasan's original because it has the word 'babe' in it!

Nothing else really.

Three things that you love to eat.
I love food, period

Three things you cannot possibly eat in a million years.
I'll eat anything once as long as it's halal

Three songs you could sing to the rest of the world.

(...or maybe just hum to myself)
The River - Bruce Springsteen, 'Aaj Bazar mein' - Nayyar Noor, Tere Bina - Nusrat Fateh Khan

Three movies you would show if you had your way around Film Festivals.
Goodnight and Good Luck, My Fair Lady, War Dance

***

Anyway who wants to take part, please do

: )

2008-10-28T13:02:00.001-07:00

2008-10-26T02:26:00.000-07:00

He was not always like this. As a child, he was deemed bright and he had had confidence. Everyone, including him thought he could do anything - and everything.

Then he died and became this shell and this is what he is now, haunting his body day in, day out with his sorrows and dreams, existing only in a world of his own creation.

2008-10-11T04:04:00.000-07:00

If the one I've waited for

came now, what should I do?

This morning's garden filled with snow

is far too lovely

for footsteps to mar.

-- Izumi Shikibu

(Woman of the Ancient Court of Japan)

Translated by - Jane Hirshfield with Mariko Aratani

2008-10-06T04:27:00.000-07:00

i quit facebook. :)

b: 'bohat mubarak ho. iss baat ka bohat sawab milta hai. duniya mein aur akhirat mein.'

h: 'magar mein tumharey peh seeti kaise maroongi?'

s: 'but you're a TOP FRIEND!'

MARGALA TOWERS TRAGEDY

2008-10-04T20:42:00.000-07:00

A letter by the victims:

This is an appeal to your conscience.

As you are well aware on October 8th, 2005 as a result of corruption and negligence Margala Towers collapsed, leaving 72 people dead and over two hundred families homeless. Subsequently a case was filed in the Supreme Court on behalf of all the victims (Constitutional Petition No. 26 of 2005 Saad Mazhar etc vs. C.D.A. etc.) after nearly 2 years of struggling, the victims were compensated due to an historic, precedent setting judgment/order (October 3rd, 2007) by the former Chief Justice Chaudry Ifthikhar who ordered the CDA to compensate the victims. During this process the Prime Minister created an Inspection Commission to evaluate the technical causes of the collapse. The final report was made confidential. The victims felt that a milestone had been achieved and an element of accountability had been introduced into the nation and its governance. As a nation we are still grappling with questions of social responsibility and social accountability.

However, last month on September 11th, 2008 an order was issued from the Supreme Court ordering the release of payment/compensation to Ramzan Khokar as well, the corrupt builder of Margala Towers whose innate corruption and negligence claimed 72 precious lives. As you will no doubt notice in the order, the victims were not even given the dignity of representation. Subsequently a review of the order was filed in the Supreme Court to ensure that Ramzan Khokar was not paid by default or inaction on the victims part.

Through this open email, we the victims hope to appeal to your conscience, your sense of decency and urge you to highlight this level of corruption that has crept back into all our lives, on any and all platforms known to you. Tell the local or international media, Journalists, lawyers, architects, engineers, developers, humanitarian agencies, family and friends etc. Tell them that you and I have drawn the line. This is where corruption must end. Even if it is just you and I left standing. Let this be our legacy.

If your conscience is moved by these few words we also encourage you to join us in lighting candles of hope on October 8th 2008 at Margala Towers to mark the 3rd year of the tragedy. Always remember, just by your mere presence you can make a difference. Be there and become part of a new voice of hope. - rising wave of conscience.

- Margala Tower Victims

Updated Oct 07, 2008.

Dear All,

We urge everyone to remember the victims of the Earthquake of 2005 and pray for them. More specifically we urge everyone in Islamabad to come to Margallah towers for a prayer and a candle light vigil for the victims.

Dua on October 8, @ 8: 52 a.m

Candle Light Vigil 7 p.m to 8.30 p.m

@ Margallah Towers.

2008-10-01T12:58:00.001-07:00

i need to stop obsessing about the five of us.

oct 2nd, 8:51 pm: oh, and this is beautiful. and i came back from the dvd store. last season of everybody loves raymond, and a bunch of oscar nominated documentaries. 'the wasted vigil' is still unfinished. the kids are coming over, so yeah some hoopla. maybe.

8:55pm: less chai too.

2008-09-30T09:36:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone, Eid pocketing money mubarik.

So when is it?

update: 12:16am - so as everyone knows by now, its today : ) i'm online blog hopping because my nine year old brother wandered into my room and asked me if i could work on the computer in his room - just until he goes to sleep : ) it's an old habit of his. one of many which i love, heh : )

12:38pm - well, finally.

2008-09-26T17:32:00.000-07:00

It's after six. I've caught up on all the reading i had to do before class. and the birds are chirping outside. It's a good start.

One day i'll write about the bomb blast, and my nana's imprisonment in India, the movie pakeeza and 'the wasted vigil'.

Yesterday was good. Pizza, good company, amusing stories and a manicured lawn.

I need to learn to be more grateful for the blessings in my life.

2008-09-10T06:16:00.001-07:00

credit: a softer world

2008-09-06T12:59:00.000-07:00

A Modern Myth - 30 Seconds to Mars

Did we create a modern myth
Did we imagine half of it
What happened then, a thought for now

Save yourself
Save yourself
The secret is out
The secret is out

To buy the truth
And sell a lie
The last mistake before you die
So don't forget to breathe tonight
Tonight's the last so say good-bye

Goodbye

2008-09-04T13:10:00.000-07:00

I want a long drawn out conversation, like a morning yawn - slow and lazy, the sort which stretches into a day - and people with interesting stories. Monal's cheese nan, fries and garlic sauce with dooj and amo all for three hun-red rupees and to fish around for change at that, 'wallet ghar tu nahee reh giya...'. I want Ammar K to be okay and flunking may not be but you can survive this and while we're even not sms casual msn-ey friends even you still got me a jana-maz last ramazan when i didn't know i could from the closet next to the prayer area and you always say hi when we run into each other and never if i'm reading a book: you're noticed, you matter. I want a busy year and a day off playing hooky with a close friend or two - pancakes and chai and book shopping, when hajra comes over, maybe - a day like like star's hallow, if you will. and detest smoking, always (and really i dont detest it but i wont smoke either). I want Hunniya to grow up gorgeous and self assured, inshallah. I want S to find peace,a nd something to be excited about the kind that's best. Passion, i suppose would be a better word. I want love on its own terms and time - and the patience, which must come with it. There's more to say, of course, as there always is. but for today it's enough.

2008-09-03T12:19:00.000-07:00

I'm reading Nadeem Aslam's latest offering : )

2008-08-25T00:10:00.000-07:00

-taken by Kamil H. Thank you.

2008-08-22T21:11:00.000-07:00

there's something wrong with my laptop :$ and it had pictures and long e-mails-to-be-sent once, and now for some reason DSL is not working on it :$ so i sent it away to get fixed except now i have to give the computer fix it person my password and let him format the whole thing because apparently there are too many viruses - and the funny thing is i never even down load stuff from the net. No really, i don't.

oh well.

no wait. it's NOT okay. i dont want ANYONE snooping around my stuff. UGH. i hope my pictures and assignments remain intact.

Romaisa

2008-08-12T08:47:00.000-07:00

needless to say i'm quiet happily the doting khala : )

2008-07-20T23:49:00.000-07:00

I leave tomm. Somehow, the prospect of six flights with the whole family doesn't seem as exciting as it's being made out to be. By the time we round up in Dubai, well, I don't want to think about how pleasant we'll all be by then. but i hope i get to go to the beach. There or in Karachi.

Karachi. : )

That's something to look forward to. Yum. Anum A's discovered a dhabba which sells excellent 'bhangi' scented chai, or so she claims (haha). Can't wait. Three trips this summer, granted this one is more of a stop over - one night - but i'll get to see the lot. Always fun.

Honestly though, if i had to choose i won't go anywhere. I'll sit in my room all summer, in my desk chair which large enough to fold myself into, and leave the side door open. Because there's the occasional drizzle and with it a delicious earthly lemony scent from the tree nearby wafts in.

I don't want to go.

ps: aur haan, Asfand on obi's play

2008-07-10T02:22:00.000-07:00

Today in DAWN:

According to the BBC Umme Hassan said the present democratic system was the biggest hurdle in the way of enforcing Islamic system in the country and believed that would be possible “only under Khilafat”.

Ambitious, indeed. G'luck convincing the saudis, protectors of the holy cities, good friends of arch enemies, the kufaars - americans, britishers, germans, italians.... yes, (oh yes) non Muslim countries.

2008-07-07T08:14:00.000-07:00

In the morning I answered calls and e-mails and reassured friends and family of my safe state in Islamabad, twelve hours past and I'm asking karachites for the same reassurance.

June (update)

2008-06-23T03:27:00.000-07:00

Bought 'A case of Exploding Mangoes', and 'The Handmaid's tale'. Enough, shopping for now. No sunglasses. Baby Shower's on Friday, twelve pink and purple squishy tiny teddy bears to string across the room and i painted a pink and purple five feet long banner so yeah, all set to go. It's all really sweet. This is the only time copious amounts of the pink and purple combo are making me smile. Niece will be here soon. Hopefully, after the shower. Lets skip on my driving. No DVD watching as yet. Saw the Indiana Jones flick at the cine PAX. Lame, good thing someone else was paying. Recommended Loco Amigos to someone, said person loved it. Check out the cover of Nadeem Aslam's new book, 'The Wasted Vigil'. I'm heading to Dubai next month for three days. Should reply to those e-mails. New play, Monal's, Hotspot hanging out with some loved ones in July. Will in Karachi by this time tomorrow. The Beach - Wednesday. Loitering around Sadaf's place, Thursday. Heels can be bought in Doobai. Pineapple is a pizza topping. The spicy prawn pizza at pizza hut is good too. K claims it's doused in shaan masala. Not true. Missed the DWL reading.

and on events of less importance than my many accomplishments: way to go, Samad! ;)

June

2008-05-24T06:50:00.000-07:00

These days i'm either researching online and studying 24/7 which makes this best time to plan the rest of my life, or the next month at least and since i'm not prowling the house hall like a bag lady with a book clutched in my hand, I've decided to be highly productive and reveal my genius to the world.

Hello, world.

2^nd: Contract law. Last final :D Go book shopping. Shop generally. Get over my aversion to sunglasses and buy a pair so I won’t get cataract by age 30 (That’s the doctor’s prediction. Throw a baby shower, with everything pink. Dot on new niece, ‘punctuation is next to godliness, baby, get here while khala’s in town!’. Learn to drive properly, try not to freak out or be a general public hazard. Convince Saro to watch HOUSE, and not Grey’s Anatomy for the three day DVD marathon we’ve been planning all year. Introduce university mates to Loco Amigos so they’ll stop gorging at emseedonaldz. Not do anything : D. Stalk Nadeem Aslam (no, not really...relax, b:)) Talk family out of heading to Dubai for the summer and talk them into going to Iran instead. I’ll get to see Shireen. :) Write lengthy e-mails to friends who enjoy my babble and respond accordingly. Play hostess to friends heading to Islamabad en route to the mountains or inquest of passports of sorts. Not be lazy and explore Karachi. Walk on the beach. Try not to spend loads of time laying Sadaf’s floor complaining and letting her order cardboard like junk food.Wear more stilettos. Buy stilettos period. Throw out broken kola puris. No, they will not heal one day. Convince people that pineapple IS a pizza topping.Attend DW readings : D (Spell Maryam’s name with an ‘I’, give Aaf my brightest smile – she doesn’t know me well enough to be deterred by it, convince Obi to stage ‘My Fair Lady’ - since we’re so close and all).

Open Secret

2008-05-01T16:56:00.000-07:00

Pigeonhole

2008-04-27T16:22:00.000-07:00

Doubt is uncomfortable, certainty is ridiculous. -Voltaire

**

Thank you

Man behind the lens

2008-04-04T13:20:00.000-07:00

Interviewing Zamir Mirza was going to be an experience unlike any other, an odd history lesson perhaps - something I inadvertently knew even before it was to take place. He may not be a house hold but being behind the lens since 1967, certainly gave him a vantage point to observe the developments in the Pakistan up close from two decades after its formation until now - from the time of General Ayub Khan’s reign and subsequent downfall to President (General) Pervez Musharraf’s present time and photography, which had started as a hobby became a life long passion and career.

“I started as a photographer at PTV documenting the construction of Mangala Dam, and the pictures I took would be sent periodically to the World Bank, that was back when pictures had to sent by post,” he recalls chuckling, “I moved on to film and back when I joined television broadcast was still in black and white and transmission only ran for four hours a day!”
He mourns the death of art which digital photography has given rise to and concludes, “While the results may be satisfactory the actual art is near extinct as people don’t have the same vision anymore. Everything’s on automatic.”

Talking about his experiences working for PTV abroad he says “The process itself took quite long after recording we had to send the film for processing (to a lab). In 1968 when PTV was still in its infancy I was sent to cover the Asian Games in Bangkok with a whole lot of equipment. My legs used to shiver from the weight of the cameras and I had to dispatch film everyday. It was my first time abroad.” There were many sojourns abroad after that, having the distinction of traveling with several past presidents as a part of their media team.

He traveled with Ayub Khan’s entourage to Iran. “Quite the publicity monger,” says Zamir Mirza smiling in reminiscence, “he would want a trip to Karachi so that even a stop over in Lahore was to be broadcasted in the evening news.”

Upon request of comparisons with other past presidents Mr.Mirza laughed, “I suppose it is an advantage to gain an understanding of the human character. General Yahya Khan was different. He didn’t hanker after publicity.”

I had to ask him about working for PTV under Zulfiqar Bhutto, “Bhutto’s time was the most thunderous! Not only was he extremely charismatic but a lot happened in his time too. There was a flood and an earthquake. I also traveled to Simla to cover the Simla agreement in Bhutto’s time. When Bhutto went for umrah to Makkah there were long rows of people wanting to shake hands with him. I’ve only seen Bhutto’s popularity rivaled with what was enjoyed by President Musharraf earlier on in his career.”

Of course, the greatest tragedy in Pakistan’s history also took place in Bhutto’s time – the creation of Bangladesh – Mr. Mirza relates, his experience about it, “I was there in Bangladesh on assignment and I saw this tragedy take place, I saw horrors, saw mass murders take place but Bhutto in my opinion cannot be blamed for all of it, it was so out of control at that point that I doubt Quaid-e-Azam would have been able to resolve the issue.”

“I think the true tragedy was Bhutto’s inevitable end and how the family has been haunted since then. If there is one thing the media is to be blamed for it’s the image it helped Zia-ul-Haq build. He promoted values he himself did not follow; his language was very dirty.” He mourns that the media has been responsible for making some wrong people heros.

Touched upon Benazir’s death, Mr. Mirza sobers, “I was never as impressed with Benazir as I was of her father, she didn’t have her father’s charisma nonetheless her death was a tragic incident and bewildering. The Lal masjid incident over the past summer is another example of bewilderment. It’s hard to figure what’s going on.”

In such circumstances one would expect a free media is what will help establish accountability for any loops in the system, “Yes,” Mirza agrees but supports the pro stance taken by PTV, “Someone has to, and all the private channels while doing an excellent job otherwise do tend to take an extremely critical view of the government and there has to be a platform presenting the government’s side. Extremism in any form is not good.”

“Right now, is the golden period in media’s history in Pakistan as there seem to be opportunities unthought-of in my time, with the internet, cell phones and private channels, I remember as a young man in journalism in the 70’s in order to acquire a telephone at home for emergencies I had to get a priority letter from the communications minister!”

Mr Mirza retired in 2003 after covering around thirty-five years of floundering democratic attempts and intervening military reigns, “Now I just want to continue making more documentaries, I have shot documentaries on the Tharparkar desert, black and white wetlands of Pakistan and on archeology.”

Presently, Mr. Mirza is teaching photography at IQRA University and NUML (National University of Modern Languages) and doing independent camera work for the Asian Television Press Network. “Teaching has brought me abundant joy but the project I really want to see materialize is a documentary on the fishermen colony in Karachi, I want to make it and what is holding me back is the lack of funding, I remember a time when the total budget for a documentary was 480 rupees.”

And so ends Zamir Mirza’s walk down memory lane, with a smile, and a shrug – and with an air of acceptance, and perhaps experience, what is to come will come and cameramen like Zamir Mirza, unacknowledged oft under appreciated will be in the shadows to capture it, mark it in history for future’s sake.

2008-04-03T15:00:00.000-07:00

'When love is not madness, it is not love.' kis ne kaha tha? mujhe yaad nahee a raha. beherall jisne kaha tha such kaha tha.

sadaf's coming to town! :D sadaf who hasnt been to isb for seven years :) and what a glorious season to come in, since the rains, islamabad has been transfomed. there are wild flowers growing everywhere

i want a red template. maybe i'll bring the old one back

i bought an old hard bound copy of Little Women, the cover is red with gold lettering and pages inside are yellow :)

Writer at Heart

2008-03-31T14:35:00.000-07:00

Nadeem Aslam decides to live the life of the quintessential writer.

By Kamila Shamsie

Thirty-six year old Nadeem Aslam sits across from me on a green couch in his book-filled flat in North London, eating a mango.

"I know you're going to write that," he laughs when I intone some variation of the previous line to him. "I know how these interviews get written about. It's in the book."

'The Book' is Maps for Lost Lovers, Aslam's second novel, written between 1992 and 2003, and, sure enough, it contains an article about a young artist, Charag, who is described by the interviewer as "sitting in his flat with a chocolate biscuit in one hand, amid paint-spattered monographs and volumes of critical theory."

Charag is, like Nadeem Aslam, the child of Pakistani migrants to Britain - though Aslam's young life varied significantly from that of his fictional creation in that he was born in Pakistan, "in Gujranwala, 20 minutes from the Grand Trunk road." For the first 14 years of his life the family kept moving between Britain and Pakistan. "Immigrants never want to settle," he says, explaining the back-and-forth of his family's life. "They go home and remember why they left in the first place. Then they return (to Britain) and remember why they didn't want to stay there." But when Aslam was 14, his parents decided that, for the sake of their children's education, it was important to stay in one place, so they finally settled in Britain. It was the first time Aslam became conscious of being "a Paki" rather than simply "a Pakistani" but, he says, all the time he'd spent in Pakistan helped limit the damage done by racism."I knew Pakistanis weren't inferior. I had knowledge of what was going on in Pakistan and I knew that some of the world's greatest artists, poets, singers were Pakistani. So I didn't internalise the racism."

It's clear that the world of art and poetry was given great importance in the Aslam household. "We weren't well off, but there were books everywhere in the house, and paintings - not original prints, but pictures cut out of magazines. There was a reverence towards these things." It's no wonder such was the case, since Aslam's father was himself a poet whose ghazals were published in Pakistan, in the magazine Lail-o-Nahar. The elder Aslam gave up writing when he married and had to bear the financial responsibility of heading a family. Nadeem Aslam's response to his father's aborted writing career manifests itself both as a homage to the man, and a determination not to repeat history from one generation to the next.

The homage comes through in the character of Wamaq Saleem who is referred to in both Maps for Lost Lovers and Aslam's first novel, Season of the Rainbirds, as a great Urdu poet, a man of Faiz-like stature. Wamaq Saleem was the pen-name of Nadeem Aslam's father. "He will appear in all my novels," the son asserts. "In the Pakistan of my novels, my father is the poet he could never be in his life because of financial reasons."

So the homage is an ongoing process. But the determination not to repeat the trajectory of his father's life led to one significant decision early in Nadeem Aslam's life - the decision to drop out of university, just months before graduation. "In my third year at university, when it was time to start interviewing for jobs, I panicked. I thought, if I walk into a job I'll never be a writer. So I dropped out. My friends said, 'At least graduate. It'll give you a safety net.' But a safety net is still a net - I don't want that." He thinks it's very possible that, in the 11 years it took to write Maps for Lost Lovers, "if I'd had something to fall back on, I would have fallen back on it - and the book wouldn't have got written."

Instead, during those 11 years, he alternated between being a full-time writer and full-time earner. For two or three months of the year he'd work in factories or building sites, often holding down more than one job at a time, accumulating "chunks of money." For the rest of the year, he'd write.

"I'd get up, usually at midnight, and write until about five in the morning. Then maybe I'd write letters to friends - I had no e-mail; letters were my way of communicating. Then, I might go for a walk for an hour or two, come back and read until 11 or 12 in the morning. Then write again for 4 or 5 hours, and go to sleep until midnight."

Has his life changed much now that he's got significant advances for Maps for Lost Lovers from publishers around the world (so far the book has been sold in 10 countries)? Well, he's living in London rather than Yorkshire (at least for the moment) and doesn't have to earn "chunks of money" any more, but he's still up all night and asleep during the day, writing a new novel, The Wasted Vigil (the title comes form a Chughtai painting), which is about the CIA and set in the Soviet Union, America and Afghanistan. To give an example of how self-enclosed his life can be while he's writing, he confesses he didn't hear about September 11 until September 20.

All this may make Nadeem Aslam sound like the stereotype of the anti-social writer who is a lot better at engaging with fictional people and situations than with real ones. This is not the case at all. He's lively, charming, warm and outgoing - and despite the rigours of his writing schedule he finds time to meet friends, keep up with the latest fashions, wander through exhibitions, and watch movies - whether the newest Almadovar offering or a summer Hollywood blockbuster.

There are, however, limits to his consumption of pop culture. "So what were you listening to in the '80s," he said to me at one point when I revealed that his favourites - Bjork, the Stone Roses, The Smiths - weren't part of my music collection in my teenage years.

"Wham! Madonna. Bryan Adams," I said.

"You're joking. You have to be joking. Bryan Adams?"

A few days later I sent him a text message to say I was listening to a Bryan Adams song on the radio. He wrote back: I knew it. I could feel a disturbance in the fabric of the universe as though thousands of souls were crying out in pain.

(Oh yes - in addition to everything else, he's also very funny.)

So, clearly, '80s pop singers were not a significant influence on his artistic development. To find out who were the influences, though, you need look no further than the dedication page of Maps for Lost Lovers - the book is for Nadeem Aslam's father, and for Faiz Ahmed Faiz and Abdur Rahman Chughtai. He talks passionately about the sense of "revelation" he felt as a young man who wanted to be a writer when he came upon a Chughtai painting of two women on a rooftop looking at the Eid moon and saying a dua. "When you read novels set in other societies, the texture of daily life is present through certain images" - in Chughtai he found those images for life in Pakistan. "As a human being you are so used to seeing certain scenes that you almost don't notice them - but artists show them to you in a way that makes you pay attention."

What about the influence of other writers? He reels off a list of names: Faiz. Nayyar Masud. Habib Jalib. Parveen Shakir. Intizar Hussain ("as great as Calvino"). Mushtaq Ahmed Yusufi ("Pakistan's Nabakov"). All this, of course, leads to the Language Question. Why does he write exclusively in English when he is clearly so in love with, and at ease in, Urdu? In fact, his first published work was an Urdu story, printed in Imroze ("It was about a boy who couldn't do his maths homework, so it was clearly autobiographical").

But, he explains, when his family settled in the UK, he lost touch with Urdu until after his university years. "And I'm obsessive. If I'm going to write in a language I want to know it so well that I'm aware of all its possibilities. I don't have that with Urdu, though I speak it and read it and sometimes think in it. But, of course, having Urdu is a freedom." He shrugs. "Anyway, things get translated these days so hopefully my writing will be available in Urdu."
This brings us round to the matter of his book's possible reception in Pakistan. Maps for Lost Lovers is a book of great humanity and compassion, but it is also unflinching in its portrayal of some of the worst aspects of life in Pakistani communities - honour killings, religious obscurantism, gender inequities to name only a few. What does he say to people who take the view that the west doesn't need any more negative images of Pakistan to add to the ones they've already got?

He answers carefully, thoughtfully, reminding me of a story he'd told me earlier of a town in England where a maulvi was discovered to be a paedophile. When the abused child's parents wanted to go to the police they were threatened at gunpoint by members of the Muslim community. "The attitude was, we'll take care of this problem ourselves. But don't let the white people know that this sort of thing goes on in our community. Well, that attitude is just the attitude you're talking about, taken to an extreme." He starts to speak faster. "I live in the west. I have a knowledge of how it works, its injustices and subtle repressions, but I also know this other world, and I have to bring news of that, too."

The town in which the paedophile mauvli lived was Tipton - "mention that name to most English people and they'll think of the British Muslims from Tipton who were locked up in Guantanamo Bay. But that's only looking from one angle. You have to also look at the world they grew up in, the attitudes there, in order to understand how they got to Guantanamo Bay. You need to know the stories of the abused boy whose parents were held at gunpoint. You need to know all the stories."

He goes on to talk of reading Urdu newspapers, and finding letters and articles and columns discussing the rough treatment Pakistanis are facing at the hands of immigration officials in New York - "and of course you do have to be outraged about that. America is a superpower; we must keep an eye on it. But surely a few particles of outrage should be attached to Osama Bin Laden? When you say that to people they say, oh, but that's implicit. Why isn't it explicit? We have to say these things out loud now."

We end things by talking about his relationship with Pakistan, a country he hasn't been back to since the age of 14 - "though only for financial reasons. Now that I can afford to go, I will." The long absence was particularly trying when he was writing his first novel, set in a Pakistani town. "One of my frustrations with it was I couldn't go back and see the landscape, the birds, the peepal trees and parakeet feathers. I would have to ask my mother questions like, can you have cauliflower cooked the week after the monsoons? And she'd say, no, cauliflowers are in the winter."

I ask him, with all the time he's spent away, does he consider himself a Pakistani writer? Through the interview this is the only time he doesn't quite seem to have the words in which to frame the answer. "I think that's for people in Pakistan to decide," he says, a little hesitantly. "I mean, writers tend to be a little isolated, so you don't fully engage with any society..." He trails off, and shakes his head.

"Well, put it this way," I say. "If someone in Pakistan called you a Pakistani writer would you have a problem with that?" His face breaks into a huge smile. "Wait, is that what you're asking? That's what the question means?" The smile grows impossibly broader. "Are you kidding? I'd be thrilled if someone in Pakistan claimed me. It would be an honour. Write that in the article - if anyone sees me walking along the Grand Trunk Road and feels like saying 'You are one of us,' tell them to please, please do it."

(orginally published in newsline)

Aaa'la blogs

2008-03-21T13:52:00.000-07:00

blogs which deserve acknowledgement (in no particular order)

lifemeansdrama: who am i? i love it. made of insightful, and charming photo strips kAy's blog is a desi version of a softer world and if you ask you me better than the original.

moulajatt: very sexy (a blank check will do, thanks) sporadically updated moniseur hyd(e)'s midnight musings are verbose and amusing.

biconditional: no pretences or banawut, its a colorful world, where poems can be pomes and all's magic and flowers

fiverupees: I'm in awe. history, politics, pretty much anything which takes paanchrupey team's fancy. favorite virtual haunt these days.

Missing in Pakistan

2008-03-20T10:48:00.000-07:00

...Only where love and need are one,
And the work is play for mortal stakes,
Is the deed ever really done
For Heaven and the future's sakes.

-R.Frost

All those in Lahore: do attend

Black Flag Week

2008-03-10T05:27:00.000-07:00

Guys, go and check out the events during Blag Flag Week and try to attend as many as possible in your respective cities. Go to: Black Flag Week

2008-03-05T13:11:00.000-08:00

This makes me feel good

2008-02-27T02:57:00.000-08:00

The new volume of the desiwriters ezine is out! Will read it soon. Read khaver's insightful little piece, and will read the rest of it soon. More poems this time around it seems. I should login more often.

It is, of course, the ideal instance of a relaxed spring afternoon and all but few are paying it a tribute. Hoom in a chequred red shirt, with his odd boy charm smoking in a chair next to me. Abrahim's sprawled down on the grass near us. Beeya on my right, her snobbishness intact, 'Work' I mutter in response to her query. Skittles is running around after Adil Baloch. Weather's changed all of a sudden, the thin shawl around my shoulders isnt needed. I'm holding a water bottle in one hand, I still type with one finger. Sidrah talks of spring, right back at you woman, can't wait. Even isb gives into winter blues but spring's here and it brings with it, oddly enough: hope.

Hello, little one.

2008-02-23T11:11:00.000-08:00

Ms. Romaisa Burhan born Feb 20th 2008

2008-02-19T08:27:00.001-08:00

and so pmln got the vote. although i remain skeptical of their ability to actaully bring about any change. the fattened sher has had chances before and except for the highway and circus show campaigns what else has he brought to the table?

i, highly doubt that pmln will revamp the judiciary anytime soon despite the support its receiving from unlikely quarters. the sunny side is supposed to be the outsing of Musharraf, which i now suspect was doubtful in the first. who knows? maybe the PPP made a deal with Mush afterall. and the death of Benazir was a part f it? What of the militants?

the army wallahs around me talk of the number of soldiers in danger except those dead already. it bewiders them the miltant logic, they're trained to follow orders and save skins (preferably their own) and the militants negate the very foundation of their belief.

heard of someone whose car was hijacked by a suicide bomber. random dude got in the car, unzipped his jacket enough to show waht was strapped to him and told the guy that they will both be martyers. It happend in F-10 sector in islamabad. The hijacker asked him to drive around and stop at a crowded place. Since it happend at an early hour there were no mobs (and there rarely any crowded areas in isb anyway) and the man who's car had been hijacked steered clear of jinnah super and faiz ahmed faiz road (which are crowded early moring since BMI and other school capmuses are there). Apprently, the hijacker got off after a while.

2008-02-19T00:07:00.000-08:00

old friends on pregnancy and nicotine cravings

emailed s on the 15th, thats when her baby was due 'welllll what is the verdict?' 'madiha, you have no clue do you? only 1% babies are born their due date' snottily replied the statistically well informed mother to be. i had not expected a reply, i'd figured i'd get a call eventually, i told her. 'hold the excitement' i can actually see her rolling her eyes. she must have been.

heh, R emails about her soota cravings, how am i supposed to finish dentistry without nicotine? eat mints i suggest. got a quick reply back. black berry toting minx, 'dost hoti tu cigarette dete.'

on the telly

q's been recommending One tree hill. I've seen an episode, and that too in our between classes when we had NOTHING to do and it didnt seem that great. Better than Grey's Anatomy but still a waste of time if you ask me. And Chad Murray Micheal isn't that good looking, seriously. please.

if i had to choose a show which was more to the female liking its Gilmore Girls. Quiry and funny. its one of the best shows centered around the small-town-big-dreams theme.

and ofcourse, no show beats House. thats M.D no less.

I've discovered Atwood

2008-02-12T16:28:00.000-08:00

The Shadow Voice

My shadow said to me:
what is the matter

Isn't the moon warm
enough for you
why do you need
the blanket of another body

Whose kiss is moss

Around the picnic tables
The bright pink hands held sandwiches
crumbled by distance. Flies crawl
over the sweet instant

You know what is in these blankets

The trees outside are bending with
children shooting guns. Leave
them alone. They are playing
games of their own.

I give water, I give clean crusts

Aren't there enough words
flowing in your veins
to keep you going.

-Margaret Atwood

2008-02-10T09:59:00.000-08:00

2008-02-05T08:47:00.000-08:00

“…though alone she never found it lonely; her imagination peopled her path with merry companions, and with these she carried on a gay, pretended conversation that was wittier and more fascinating than conversations are apt to be in real life, where people sometimes fail most lamentably to talk up to the requirement.”

-LM Montgomery

2008-01-29T00:29:00.000-08:00

The finals are due soon and its making me nervous mainly because the programme I'm in costs a bundle and theres really no point of doing this if i don't do it well and i know theres in all likelihood i wont do well. read some 20 pgs for contract law class and my haed is already spinning from all ive read and terms i've failed to grasp. and the little i do know, is minuscule in comparison to what i need to know to ace an exam.

for a positive spin on life, i'm thankful for old friends who know me well and insisted i join them for dinner even though i told 'em im broke but they only smiled like they knew it was coming when i told them i had blown all my cash on books, and paid for me. my fondest regards, you guys made my weekend.
should shop in Pindi saddar more. i took the picture in this post after sunset and electricity failure (as it goes oft happens in pk these days). its one of my favorite places to shop, a corner old book nook.

got books by ayn rand, camus, satre, maugham, henry james, pamuk and one by emma duncan (a college friend of bb's) who wrote it before bb's first term as primeminister.

Nothing more

2008-01-28T00:23:00.000-08:00

I stood by truth:
To establish light in the land

I wanted to be common like bread:
So when the struggle came she wouldn’t find me missing.

But here I am with what I loved,
With the solitude I lost:
But by this stone I don’t rest.

The sea works in my silence.

-Pablo Neruda

2008-01-27T13:11:00.000-08:00

i like vegetables, i dont get people who dont. how can you not love bheendi, kareley, baigun masala, saag and such. seriously had it not been for the fact that im not morally opposed to slaughtering chickens and cows, i can easily be a vegetarian.

For art lovers

2008-01-23T05:56:00.000-08:00

This blog is pretty cool - and a fun read. No heavy intellectual bull, just simple everyday beauty.
Damn, i want to see Italy.

2008-01-16T16:32:00.000-08:00

2008-01-01T04:03:00.000-08:00

Courtesy: cartoonstock

2007-12-31T01:28:00.000-08:00

Hello, 2008. G'luck, everyone.

2007-12-30T10:24:00.000-08:00

Best to Bilawal Zardari (or Bilawal Bhutto Zardari rather.) He spoke well during the press conference and answered the first question as firmly as can be expected under the shocking circumstances. The Bhutto family has the nation’s sympathies at the moment but it will be foolishness to let it transcend to the PPP, which as a party has failed the nation so far. I will however, give Bilawal the benefit of the doubt. He’s only 19 years of age and his generation is the most politically aware in the history of the country. What Imran Khan calls, ‘baap ki bunee bunayee party’ (as the PPP was for Benazir) is Bilawal Bhutto’s now. He’ll emerge, if not now by 2010 indefinitely. Let the saga continue.

Turmoil post 27-12-2007

2007-12-30T03:28:00.000-08:00

The official Figures

173 bank torched completely
26 bank damaged
158 office torched and burnt completely
23 office damaged
24 petrol pump burnt
2 petrol pump damaged
370 cars completely burnt
61 cars damaged
72 trains coaches torched completely
18 railway station burnt completely
4 station damaged
765 shops burnt completely
19 offices/shops damaged partially
38 people killed
53 people injured

Courtesy: Emergency List